Miss Sophronia’s Cure

HE treated me for mumps, did the blessed Dr. Stumps,

He treated me for measles when my soul was in the dumps;

And without a shade of question he improved my indigestion —

Oh! a therapeutic wonder was the blessed Dr. Stumps!

But when my mumps had fled then I had an aching head,

And when my head was cured I had lung-complaint, instead;

Then he clinched with my bronchitis, then he treated my gastritis —

And now that blessed doctor — he has left me — he is dead!

When he used to come and say, “Ah! you have the chills today!”

Or, “You have a touch of fever,” I was frolicsome and gay;

When he told me, ” Miss Sophronia, you are suffering from pneumonia,”

I rejoiced with great rejoicing at the words he used to say.

For he’d sit and sympathize with compassion in his eyes.

And he’d talk about my symptoms and he ‘d look superbly wise;

Then he’d give me learned theses on the treatment of diseases.

And number all the catalogue of all my agonies.

While the long years rolled away I was very sick and gay,

I was very ill and happy, gladly wasting in decay;

But when Dr. Stumps departed. Dr. Meyers, iron-hearted,

Came and cured me in a fortnight — and I ‘m sad and well today.

Now I have no blessed ease that accompanies disease —

What is there in life to cheer me ? What is there in life to please ?

Now I have no blessed theses on my symptoms and diseases — If I must continue healthy, let me die and find release.

By: Sam Walter Foss